The “New Year, New You” Trap

By Dr. Elil Yuvarajan

This Mindset Can Lead To Disappointment

“New Year, New You” is a popular saying, but it often sets people up for failure by promoting unrealistic expectations and ignoring the value of past experiences. While the promise of a fresh start is appealing, this mindset can lead to disappointment and self-criticism when goals are missed.

Here are 3 reasons why:

  1. You ignore the lessons of the past. How many times have you tried to change something and given up? There are lessons in each of those attempts. And no, it’s not that you are doomed to fail. Instead, maybe there are clues to what you could do differently to succeed.
  2. You’re more likely to rely on willpower than on modifying things about your environment to make you more likely to succeed.
  3. Although this is indirect, you’re telling yourself that the ‘you’ of the past was not good enough. You have to start over to fix what that person did wrong. That roots your attempts to change in a feeling of shame. And shame never allows us to make healthy changes.

Instead, Find An Effective Path

Recognizing the past can help you find a more effective path.

  1. First be willing to set aside any self-judgment as it pops up through this exercise. You start by looking at your last attempt to change a significant thing. If it was the same thing you’re trying to change now, even better.
  2. You write down the story of what happened without trying to explain why it happened. Just write down the facts as an observer would see.
  3. Go back and see if things in your story happened when you stopped trying to accomplish that goal – maybe you had a bad day at work and ate an unhealthy dessert. Or, you skipped the gym after an argument with your significant other.
  4. How could you modify your plan to allow that to happen again? What would have helped you stick to your plan? Incorporate that into this year’s plan.
  5. Finally – create a contingency plan. What happens if you slip up? How can you react in a way that would help you still succeed?

Focus on self-compassion and learning as you move along your change journey. There’s a good chance there will be setbacks and that doesn’t mean you’re weak. Rather, those may point out areas of your plan for change that need work. Learn, adapt, and keep growing!

keep growing